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The Loneliness of Accountability

By Rahti Gorfien

Simply put, my job as a coach is to tell the truth.  People hire me not to bullshit them.

So let’s tell the truth: Have your core dreams really changed?  Or are have you given up on them in the name of marriage, motherhood or anything else?

Paradoxically, being accountable to your personal or professional vision is a lonely thing.

Unless you have the money to pay a dominatrix to stand over you with a whip 8 hours a day and make you do things, (a profession I at one time considered.  But there was this conflict of interest with my marriage) a support system is only as good as your willingness to show up, even when nobody’s watching.  That means ‘filling the form’ by doing what you’ve agreed to do (or not do) between sessions or meetings, and reaching out when you can’t, without forgetting that we’re all human and it might take a minute (or two days) to get a response.  Very often, the simple act of reaching out via text or email or telephone is enough to shift you out of whatever rut you’ve stumbled into, because one, you’ve cut through the isolation with your voice and thoughts.  And two, because you know people are out there, rooting for you.

Every once in a while, a client who is making great progress wants to quit just as they’re really taking off.  My favorite reasoning is that they need someone to push them harder, that they’ve gotten as much as they can from coaching.  Their timing however, tells me that by ending the coaching relationship they’re sabotaging themselves and disrupting their momentum in order to stay safe.  Such so-called safety, or more accurately hiding, is a deeply pernicious form of self-deceit.

The thing is, having a coach, a shrink, a clergy person, a mommy group or a 12-step program is not what’s gonna push anyone anywhere.  Here’s the irony: while we all need a support system that includes people who guide us, encourage us and tell us the truth, the key ingredient of its success is a willingness on our part to be consistent with follow-through.

Ya see, it’s not the motivator, it’s the motion.  Any good teacher, coach, fellowship, regimen or room full of cool moms will create a rush of inspiration and get you out of the gate.  Just a gun-shot can do that.  The degree to which anyone benefits from inspiration, however, is through consistent action.

Assuming you already have a support system in place, are you really using it?  Don’t deprive yourself of that.  Not just because it will inspire you, but because like any vehicle it will take you where you want to go….as long as you stay behind the wheel.   

Rahti Gorfien, of Creative Calling Coaching, is a Life Coach and Park Slope mom, specializing in mothers with universal and yet unique challenges to succeed both personally as mothers and professionally in their chosen vocations. She is also a regular contributor to Momasphere. Contact her to schedule a consultation and find out whether her coaching can help you reclaim your creative calling! 

Reader Comments (1)

Great article Rahti! So hard to get it going and KEEP it going!!! Reminds me, it's not easy.

March 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Stein

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