By Jennifer Senior

The title of an article in New York magazine, All Joy and No Fun, is followed by a sensational , and disturbing,  tagline:  Why Parents Hate Parenting. Is that really what’s going on? And if so, is this generation of parents any different from those who came before us? The article includes some fascinating international studies from the past few years, many of which have concluded similar results. One theory for this dissatisfaction is that the “experience of raising kids has fundamentally changed.” Maybe our child-centered approach, that has compelled some of us to view parenting as a competitive sport, is sucking the fun out of the experience.  While happiness appears to be the Mecca state of being we are all aspiring to, it would seem to me that there are tremendous variations in individual interpretation. And though most parents are probably not overjoyed with the minutiae involved in the day-to-day responsibilities of parenting, the experience still offers an overall sense of purpose. The rewards that parenting provides in the big picture, might be getting lost in the “Am I happy now?” question, especially if you’re checking your watch every hour for an internal status update.  

Then of course there’s this:  “More generous government policies, a sounder economy, a less pressured culture that values good rather than perfect kids—all of these would certainly make parents happier.”  Some of these issues were raised recently at a stimulating Momasphere/Park Slope Parents Career Networking panel discussion of Sharon Lerner’s book The War on Moms, which finds the overall well-being of mom’s in the US today sorely lacking behind most industrial nations.  The article is an interesting read, filled with lots of little gems like this one: “We’ve put all this energy into being perfect parents,” says Judith Warner, author of Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, “instead of political change that would make family life better.”

There was a day a few weeks ago when I found my 2½-year-old son sitting on our building doorstep, waiting for me to come home. He spotted me as I was rounding the corner, and the scene that followed was one of inexpressible loveliness, right out of the movie I’d played to myself before actually having a child, with him popping out of his babysitter’s arms and barreling down the street to greet me. This happy moment, though, was about to be cut short, and in retrospect felt more like a tranquil lull in a slasher film. When I opened our apartment door, I discovered that my son had broken part of the wooden parking garage I’d spent about an hour assembling that morning. This wouldn’t have been a problem per se, except that as I attempted to fix it, he grew impatient and began throwing its various parts at the walls, with one plank very narrowly missing my eye. I recited the rules of the house (no throwing, no hitting). He picked up another large wooden plank. I ducked. He reached for the screwdriver. The scene ended with a time-out in his crib.

As I shuffled back to the living room, I thought of something a friend once said about the Children’s Museum of Manhattan—“a nice place, but what it really needs is a bar”—and rued how, at that moment, the same thing could be said of my apartment. Two hundred and 40 seconds earlier, I’d been in a state of pair-bonded bliss; now I was guided by nerves, trawling the cabinets for alcohol. My emotional life looks a lot like this these days. I suspect it does for many parents—a high-amplitude, high-frequency sine curve along which we get the privilege of doing hourly surfs. Yet it’s something most of us choose. Indeed, it’s something most of us would say we’d be miserable without.

From the perspective of the species, it’s perfectly unmysterious why people have children. From the perspective of the individual, however, it’s more of a mystery than one might think. Most people assume that having children will make them happier. Yet a wide variety of academic research shows that parents are not happier than their childless peers, and in many cases are less so. This finding is surprisingly consistent, showing up across a range of disciplines. Perhaps the most oft-cited datum comes from a 2004 study by Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize–winning behavioral economist, who surveyed 909 working Texas women and found that child care ranked sixteenth in pleasurability out of nineteen activities. (Among the endeavors they preferred: preparing food, watching TV, exercising, talking on the phone, napping, shopping, housework.) This result also shows up regularly in relationship research, with children invariably reducing marital satisfaction. The economist Andrew Oswald, who’s compared tens of thousands of Britons with children to those without, is at least inclined to view his data in a more positive light: “The broad message is not that children make you less happy; it’s just that children don’t make you more happy.” That is, he tells me, unless you have more than one. “Then the studies show a more negative impact.” As a rule, most studies show that mothers are less happy than fathers, that single parents are less happy still, that babies and toddlers are the hardest, and that each successive child produces diminishing returns. But some of the studies are grimmer than others. Robin Simon, a sociologist at Wake Forest University, says parents are more depressed than nonparents no matter what their circumstances—whether they’re single or married, whether they have one child or four. Click here to read more.

 

By Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman

Have you found yourself bemoaning the paucity of creative outlets in your life? Well, you’re not alone.  It probably comes as no surprise that research shows that as a country, our creativity, is declining significantly.  In fact, according to a recent Newsweek article, America is going through a creativity crisis. Two culprits seem quite obvious:  too much TV, and schools that don’t nurture creativity, but while other countries have become focused on the importance of creativity training, the U.S .lags far behind. Most people equate creativity with artistic ability, but the reality is quite different. Finding answers to our toughest questions requires creative problem solving in order to generate original ideas and effective responses to issues as diverse as the hideous oil spill in the Gulf to the war in Afghanistan.  

As moms, if we take the time to re-claim some space for our own creative selves, we will see incredible changes in how we feel  and the trickle down impact on our families, friends and colleagues will be palpable.  The article below talks about how left and right brains need to be working together to form a cohesive whole.  Momasphere is teaming up with creativity guru Whitney Ferre, whose Creatively Fit programs and book address that very challenge, helping you “get your right brain muscle ‘in shape’ so that you can realize your potential and create a fulfilled and inspired life.” Momasphere and Whitney will be offering an exciting 4-week online course that will culminate with a creative group activity led by Whitney here in Brooklyn. We’ll be including details about the course soon, and talking more about creativity and the benefits of tapping into that part of ourselves over the next few weeks, so if you’re not already on the Momasphere list, sign up here to find out all about it. In the meantime, the article below might serve as a wonderful wake-up call to each of us and the larger community.

The potential consequences are sweeping. The necessity of human ingenuity is undisputed. A recent IBM poll of 1,500 CEOs identified creativity as the No. 1 “leadership competency” of the future. Yet it’s not just about sustaining our nation’s economic growth. All around us are matters of national and international importance that are crying out for creative solutions, from saving the Gulf of Mexico to bringing peace to Afghanistan to delivering health care. Such solutions emerge from a healthy marketplace of ideas, sustained by a populace constantly contributing original ideas and receptive to the ideas of others.

It’s too early to determine conclusively why U.S. creativity scores are declining. One likely culprit is the number of hours kids now spend in front of the TV and playing videogames rather than engaging in creative activities. Another is the lack of creativity development in our schools. In effect, it’s left to the luck of the draw who becomes creative: there’s no concerted effort to nurture the creativity of all children.

Around the world, though, other countries are making creativity development a national priority. In 2008 British secondary-school curricula—from science to foreign language—was revamped to emphasize idea generation, and pilot programs have begun using Torrance’s test to assess their progress. The European Union designated 2009 as the European Year of Creativity and Innovation, holding conferences on the neuroscience of creativity, financing teacher training, and instituting problem-based learning programs—curricula driven by real-world inquiry—for both children and adults. In China there has been widespread education reform to extinguish the drill-and-kill teaching style. Instead, Chinese schools are also adopting a problem-based learning approach.

Plucker recently toured a number of such schools in Shanghai and Beijing. He was amazed by a boy who, for a class science project, rigged a tracking device for his moped with parts from a cell phone. When faculty of a major Chinese university asked Plucker to identify trends in American education, he described our focus on standardized curriculum, rote memorization, and nationalized testing. “After my answer was translated, they just started laughing out loud,” Plucker says. “They said, ‘You’re racing toward our old model. But we’re racing toward your model, as fast as we can.’ ” Click here to read the whole article.

Last year I had a great time being a panelist on the Why We Blog panel at the 2009 Brooklyn Blogfest. This is a yearly event in NYC that grows bigger and more prestigous every year. This year I will be leading the Parenting "Blogs of a Feather" breakout session as the Co-founder of Momasphere so please come join me at 5th Annual Brooklyn Blogfest on Tuesday night, June 8th at 7pm.

As one can imagine, Having Your Baby and a Business Too, is fraught with endless challenges. The group of mompreneur panelists gathered by Babybites Brooklyn and In Good Company Workplaces reiterated that time and again, first when talking about finding the right balance between baby-time and work time and then when talking about juggling husbands, financial concerns, child care, etc. The panel featured four Brooklyn mompreneurs who have started their own businesses, in an attempt to meet their creative, professional and family needs, all within the past four years.  Panelists included Hannah Macdonald, co-owner of Bump Maternity, Miriam Milord, owner of BCakeNY, Lakey Evans-Pena, owner of MightyMamas and Williamsburg Movement & Arts Center and Desiree Detoy, owner of Chavella’s.

Desiree Detoy, opened one of Prospect Heights’ favorite restaurants almost four years ago. She and her business partner/husband, had a keen sense about starting small and growing organically. By relying on the financial support of family and friends, having found a space where the rent was manageable even before they would see any income, the couple was able to get the business up and running at their own pace. Once the restaurant opened, they opted for low-key word of mouth advertising versus spending lots of money on marketing. They felt this would give them time to get the kinks worked out before the crowds started rolling in. They were right. The restaurant is a success, and now they are looking to add another location. Desiree, a font of information about everything from legal business structures to how to get a business plan done, eloquently described the importance of knowing yourself before undertaking your own business. The realities of working solo, at home, every day, are not for everyone.

By Rachael Ellison

I was called by Momasphere and Park Slope Parents Career Network (both fabulous Brooklyn based groups), to participate in a panel discussion of Sharon Lerner’s latest book, “The War on Moms: On Life in a Family Unfriendly Nation.”  It was a great event and sparked some important discussions on work-life balance and the challenges facing moms today.

In addition to the author, I was  joined by two amazing and accomplished pioneers in the work-life field, Anne Weisberg and Sherry Leiwant. Both were truly fascinating resources and brought great insight to the issues facing moms today. The book told some heartbreaking stories of mothers in America today struggling to maintain careers and households in the absence of adequate policies to support them.  Here are a few of of my takeaways from the discussion:

Momasphere attendees listen attentively to the riveting "The War On Moms" panel discussion. CLICK ON IMAGE ABOVE TO VIEW EVENT PHOTO GALLERY.

• A new kind of corporate career path is on the horizon. I have not yet had a chance to read her book, Mass Career Customization, but I can’t wait to learn more about Weisberg’s work. She and her colleagues at Deloitte are piloting a program that will give every employee a framework for dialing up and down their hours, travel demands, and responsibilities as their personal needs change over the course of their careers. Instead of a corporate ladder, they are calling it a corporate lattice. A review of the book is coming soon!

• Meanwhile, it’s WAY too quiet out there. One of the audience members, a former architect of 15 years turned freelance photographer, asked if there were any programs designed to teach adolescents about READ COMPLETE ARTICLE HERE.

Time: 4:00pm to 7:30pm - (Film Screening 4:30pm - 6:00pm)
Date: Sun, May 23rd, 2010
Price: General Admission: $20 online and $30 at the door (cash only at the door)
Place: Brooklyn Arts Exchange, 421 5th Avenue (Between 7th & 8th St.) Park Slope, Brooklyn 11215. Space is limited so please RSVP by purchasing tickets online. All proceeds from Momasphere’s LUNAFEST will benefit the Breast Cancer Fund and the BAX Artist in Residence program. READ MORE and SEE TRAILER.

This year’s NYC’s only Lunafest award-winning films range from animation to fictional drama, and cover topics such as women’s health, motherhood, body image, sexuality, cultural diversity, and breaking barriers. Films by, for and about women – sponsored by Luna Bars! VIEW OUR LUNAFEST MOVIE TRAILERS CLICK HERE: http://www.lunafest.org/the-films.cfm

Momasphere ‘s Lunafest women’s short films festival on Sunday, May 23^rd, at the Brooklyn Arts Exchange, kicks off with award-winning film A SUMMER RAIN, by producer, writer, director Ela Thier. Momasphere managed to snag an interview with Ms. Thier, to talk about the film and her craft. Now in its ninth year, LUNAFEST was established by LUNA, the makers of the Whole Nutrition Bar for Women, to simultaneously promote women filmmakers, raise awareness for women’s issues, and support worthy women’s nonprofit organizations. Last June, Ms. Thier poignantly described some of the difficulties women filmmakers encounter in an open letter to the film community. Ms Thier’s feature film credits include FOREIGN LETTERS, PUNCTURE, THE WEDDING COW, and dozens of short films including JUDO GIRL, GENTLE CYCLE ONLY, and A SUMMER RAIN. Ms. Thier will be on-hand at New York City’s only Lunafest to lead an interactive session and Q & A with festival attendees.

To honor our mothers, Momasphere would like to share a few of the stories collected for My Mother’s Work Project. Whether our mother’s work was in a traditional job outside the home, or as a homemaker, our mother’s work ethic, habits and experiences have no doubt played a large part in shaping who we are.

As work-life balance, or the lack thereof, and happiness, or the endless pursuit thereof, take center stage for many mothers today, we are excited to be creating a repository of reflections upon our mother’s work life- happy, sad, sentimental, irreverent- to share with our visitors and stimulate a dialogue.

If you are interested in participating in this project by contributing a 200-600 word piece, please send an email to momstories@momasphere.com with My Mother’s Work Project in the Subject Line. Within the body of the email, please include your story, title and a short 2-3 sentence bio., including a link to your website if you have one. If you have a photo you would like to share, please attach it as a jpeg (the highest resolution you have), and let us know you’ve done so, though we may opt not to use it. While we appreciate every single submission, we may not be able to publish everyone’s story. Please make sure we have a good way to get in touch with you.  We will contact you to let you know if and when your piece will run so you can alert your fans, friends, family and maybe even your mother!!!!

Everything in Moderation: Wise Words From My Mother Who Excelled At Everything
BY ALMA SCHNEIDER

I grew up in a family of nine in a two-bedroom apartment in Manhattan. We even had a neurotic dog named Smudge thrown in the mix.  People can't fathom growing up that way. I am often asked how I survived and why I am so "normal."   

Momasphere: You say in the introduction of the book, that in this country, women and families are under a ‘full-on attack.’ This problem is certainly not new. Was there a specific incident that propelled you to write this book?

Sharon Lerner: It was more of a gradual process. I knew I wanted to write about women, and I knew I didn’t want to rehash the same subjects, particularly the subject of whether we should work or stay home. It seemed to me that there were problems with both options, so I decided to look at the larger policy context that frames those options.